Divorce in America

rogerm222 what i mean is that for fsu women is much easier to live WITH local american man in USA then without, the reasons r quite obvious i think, so if she left, even after obtaining the green card, that means that she couldnt really stand u

as 2 spending habbits, yep fcu way of spending is a bit different from usa, as to comparing rings and houses i think every woman, not depending on her nationality has this feature

Kiss you rogerm222 for your answer...didn't wait almost that you should reply.

ok boys! my opinion (I am writing now not only for rogerm222 ) - boys don't be very angry and drop tomatoes and eggs at me may be there is a sense at my words

Dear boys what for do you need a woman??? You need a woman to make you to do steps at the life and get to the next more high position. Imagin you live at the trailer and have a woman near who takes this situation as a normal. She does not push you to do something in order to change the situation - everything is nice for her...nothing whould be changed in your life with such woman near - she wants nothing. Do you think to live in 2-story house whould be worth for you? Do you think to go with a woman who has a ring 2 carats whould be bad for you status and image? I think not
Certainly nothing is doen in one day and it is difficult if the woman can't be gratefull for your efforts...but it is normal and even useful the woman gives you impuls to be a hero to get the tops and ect

Now when I am 40 I think that I had to compain more often but I am such boring woman who always said: "no, no everything is alright, we have enought and need nothing" as a result no progress

I married a Romanian girl from Moldova. She came here on June 2008 on a 3 month student visa to work and make some money. She was supposed to go back to Chisinau, Moldova on Sept. 25th 2008, but I decided to marry her because I had fallen in love with her and did not want to lose her. She was telling me about all the Russian corruption in Moldova, and that if I let her go home, I may never see her again lol. I was in love, we got married the morning of Sept. 26th 2008. I was 31 and she was 22. We rented a house together and things were great. I found her a job in Oct. 2008. She turned 23 November 1st. Things were still good. The holidays were great too. And January 09, she lost that job, and that's when things went downhill. We were fighting about petty things fairly often. I also kept finding photos and videos of her ex-boyfriend on her laptop. She would lie and say she deleted them all, then I would find a flashdrive I had never seen before hidden somewhere with all the files backed up on it. Then she started becoming combative and defensive when I asked her who she was talking to on the internet via Yahoo messenger. Since she had lost her job, she was spending most of her time upstairs in our bedroom, chatting online. She would then tell me I wasnt allowed to touch "her laptop". I became increasingly suspicious of her, and in February I started raising the question...."why did you marry me?" Once she said, "I don't know." I became upset and started to believe I was used. Also in February, she met some Russian guys through a girl who lived around the corner. My wife became friends with her because she was also from Moldova. I would later find out this girl kept renewing her visitor B-visa and was lying to USCIS about where she was living while in the U.S., and also lied and told them she wasnt working and she was and still is. This girl started coming in to my home and telling me wife how to commit immigration crimes, like forging documents to get a drivers license and get a job with a paycheck. I told her no, we were a legitimate couple and doing things the right way. She said her Russian boyfriend knew how to do all this stuff, and they both were looking for an American to marry so they could stay in the country together. So after this half-Russian snake brought her poison in to my home, it wasn't long before my wife was packing her things and walking out the door. Only 3 weeks after meeting the Russian guys, my wife abandoned our marriage. She moved out March 5th. Come to find out, she had been conspiring against me, and had been going over to the illegal Russian's cottage and asking if she could stay there. They told her yes. My wife would then lie and tell me she was staying at Tania's, the girl also from Moldova, but she wasnt, she was a few streets down in the opposite direction, living with 4 illegal alien Russians who had overstayed their Visa's. It only took me 10 days to find the place. I caught her there. I took the house key and her car key away, and that night I began writing my letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting that my support of my wifes Adjustment of Status package be withdrawn and revoked. I sent the letter out on March 17th. Throughout the remaining weeks of March, my wife would come to the house or ask to meet me her in order to convince me to sign a contract. My wife offered me $200 a month for 2 years and one last night in our bedroom in return for my support and to pretend to still be her husband at the immigration interview. I refused, and told her to take a hike, there was no way I was committing a federal crime for her. She became very upset that I would not help her, and day she returned to the home and pulled a knife out on me, then began violently stabbing a large teddy bear that I had bought for her for Valentines Day. She then ransacked my home and left. I called the police and made a report. the police could not find her, because she was lying so much about where she was staying. In the early morning hours of March 29th, a friend called me and said he saw Silvia getting out of an SUV driven by another guy. It was about 1am. He picked me up, and we went to the cottage where she was living with the illegal Russians. After the bedroom light went out, we heard a mans voice in the room with my wife. I called her cell phone twice, she did not answer and I could hear the guy ask who it is. She ignored me as if I was some piece of trash. I then knocked on the front and confronted the kids. I asked who was in the bedroom with my wife. They would not tell. That gave my wife enough time to jump out of the bed and put on her pink bathrobe that my mother had bought for her. I knocked on the door for a few minutes, because it was locked. After she wouldnt answer, I kicked the door down and found my wife standing in the room, with the lights out, looking at the floor. The russian kid was hiding under the covers. After I confronted him, he told me that he did NOT "F my wife" but instead only shared a bed with her. This was after my wife had repeatedly lied and told me that she DID NOT share a bed with anyone and that she "had her own room" at this cottage. Lies. My witness and I then left, and I had the closure and proof that I needed. The girl I married would never cheat. But who knows? Maybe she did, maybe she didnt. The point is....you never really know. She filed a temporary restraining order on me that night, even though I never did anything to her. Ofourse, she also spiced up her story when the cops showed at the cottage. And she also conveniently left out the fact that she was just caught in a bed with another man. You know...being a married woman and all. The next evening, a Monday, her boss at the pizza shop called me. She had been rehired about a week after moving out of my house. He told me my wife was confused and upset and that I should meet her that night when they were closing. I went there at 9:30pm. We talked in a back room, and she still refused to consider saving the marriage. I told her after what I saw the night previous, I was done with her. She then changed her tune and said she would come home if I "appreciated her more". She had stated weeks before that her reasons for leaving were because I was treating her too "cold" and that I made her feel lonely in our own house and that I didnt respect or appreciate her enough. I told I would consider trying to reconcile, but only if she stopped lying and withdrew her restraing order. The next afternoon I picked her up and she went to the court and canceled the temp. restraining order. She moved back in that evening, March 31st 2008. At 10pm, as we lay in our bed together talking, another guy called her cell phone after about 10 minutes chat, she got off the phone and I asked her who it was. She said "a friend". I said "oh yeah, where did you meet him?" She them blatantly lied right to my face and told me that it was a girl. She stated "its a girl, how could you hear a guys voice when it was a girl?" I could clearly hear the guys voice coming through the phone. Come to find out, she met him the previous Sat. night at a club...thats where she had come home from early am a few nights before when my friend saw her getting dropped off. Her boss had taken her and her friend down there. My wife was talking to another guy, and gave her cell number to him the first night she met him. I let it go. My wife also refused to allow me to sleep in our bed. She stated "I am not ready to sleep next to you again yet." I found that horribly weird. So I slept in the spare room down the hall. She worked everyday for the rest of the week. And on friday, after checking our cell phone records, I noticed my wife had just made a call to a strange number from work. I called the number, and come to find out, it was the boy that called her a few nights earlier. I asked him how he knew my wife and why he was calling her. He told me that they met the weekend before and that they had talked a few times to say hi. I told him not to ever call my wife again. He said he would lose her number. I took his name and number down, and when I picked up my wife from work that night, I confronted her with it. She lied and denied the whole thing, said she didnt even recognize the name or number. When we got in to our house, I took her cell phone and look at her contacts.....and there was his name..."Andy". She was caught. And that was it. The kicker is.....right after I called that kid and confronted him, I went out front to the mailbox and there was a letter from USCIS stating that my request for withdrawal was ACCEPTED, and that my wife was illegal and out-of-status as of March 25th, 2009. I told her it was done, and I was sick of her lying. I then told her to go upstairs and read the letter on the nightstand. We went up, she read it, and she became enraged. She realized I had done what I said I would do if she did not love me and return home, and genuinely reconcile. My wife had lied the whole time since returning home. It was over. She attacked me. I let her take her frustrations out on me as it was the very reaction I expected from her after reading such a letter. She attacked me a second time, this time drawing blood from the left side of my face. I told her she had to be out by the following evening. She begged me not to call the police and began wiping the blood from my face. She was apologizing and begging me to reconsider and asking me to file another form I-485 for her. I said no, she had hurt me too much by abandoning me and lying so severely. We went to bed. At 11:30 the following morning, Sat. April 4th., she stole on of my vehicles and drove uptown with no license or insurance, and went to her work. I reported the car stolen and ended up finding it at her work. Her boss then requested I come in to talk. She was upstairs with her friend from Moldova. She made a big story that I tried to kill her. I was shocked, and I immediately knew what was happening. It was planned out the whole time by her and the Russians. It was ironic too, because throughout our relationship, even before marriage, she had repeatedly told me how she resented and hated Russians because of how much they corrupted her home country. Now she was conspiring against me with those very people she claimed to despise. She had moved back home in order to be able to make up a decent and seemingly credible story so she would be able to self-petition with USCIS under the VAWA waiver. She began slandering me and telling stories of continued abuse. It was horrible. At 5pm that evening, she returned home to move her stuff out. At 6pm, she went to the police station and told them I tried to kill her the day before. The police wondered why she had waited so long to make that type of serious report. Due to the fishy nature of her story, I was never arrested. She did file for another restraining order, and on April 10th, 2009, we went to court for it and the judge granted her a 1 year restraining order after hearing her story of lies. She had no proof, evidence, documents, etc. I had evidence, including the police report from when she pulled a knife on me, as well as the ORIGINAL COPY of the marriage fraud contract she had signed. Thats right, when she moved back in, she left it in our room. I found it, and kept it. She had committed numerous crimes, federal crimes, including immigration marriage fraud and aiding & abetting known illegal aliens. The judge would have none of it. It was shocking how someone could so easily make up a story and be granted a restraining order. Little did I know, several hours later when I picked up the paperwork at the court, I was forced out of my home. The judge mustve felt bad for my wife, and I had to return home that evening with a police officer present and start to move. It was horrible, and the judge made no reference to any such action while we were in the courtroom, so it was a huge shock and surprise to read that stipulation. My wife didnt even live with me in the home, and she had no desire whatsoever to stay here. She was still staying with her new russian friends. I filed for annulment. I hired an attorney. On May 5th, we were to report to the court for a case manager meeting. My wife defaulted and did not show up. On June 2nd was the final hearing. I would have won the annulment, but my wife showed up this time. She cross-petitioned for divorce. I then learned that my wife had been coached on the ins-and-outs of immigration. After working illegally, signing a contract to commit marriage fraud, and committing other deportable crimes, my wife had in fact self-petitioned with USCIS. I had already sent copies of the contract to Immigration & Customs Enforcement and USCIS, as well as made a personal appearance at the local I.C.E. office and reported my wife and provided copies of evidence. My wife then began begging the judge for a continuance. She was granted it, and the final hearing was rescheduled to August, 24th 2009. My wife continued to stay in the country. In August, I decided to back down and grant my wife the divorce she needed so badly. I grew horribly tired of fighting her. There was no way I could win anyway, she had learned how to play the system, and she was granted a free divorce attorney as well as a free immigration lawyer. I was already about $4,000 in the hole, and my attorney wanted another $4,000 to go to the final hearing for annulment. I said no, and fired him. I appeared at the final hearing alone and represented myself. My wife appeared with her lawyer, the paralegal, and a romanian interpreter that my wife had requested. It was so silly and such a mockery to the court, because my wife speaks excellent. It was just a tactic to slow down my process for annulment of the marriage. My wife knew if the marriage was annulled on the basis of marriage fraud, which she signed a contract for, she would be deported and banned from the United States for life. I told the judge because of my true and genuine love for my wife, that I wished to withdraw my petition for annulment. He was shocked, he knew i had the evidence to prove my case, including the actual original copy of her marriage fraud contract. I just told him I wanted her to have a good life, and that I wanted to be a better man. My wife and her attorney were blown out of the water and totally caught off-guard because they thought I still wanted the annulment in order to make my wife pay for all the lies, hurt and mental & emotional abuse she inflicted on me. But I proved them wrong. I gave her the divorce, and surprising to everyone, the judge not only granted me the money she owed me, he overruled every objection her attorney made and let all of my testimony be hear. I think her lawyer was PISSED. So at least I got some of the money back to help pay off some of the debts incurred during the marriage. It was also hurtful that my wife believed she could marry me fast, the leave the marriage fast, self-petition fast, then get divorced fast and NOT have to pay anything or suffer any consequence or repercussion.

So thats my lovely story, in a nutshell. So yeah, I guess I am the "Token Fool". I fell in love with a foreign girl who came to the U.S. on a J-1 Visa. I married her after only 2 months of dating. Then we were together married for only another 5 months. So a 7 month relationship. Sadly, when one of her roommates from last summer returned this year to work here again, she told me about a conversation she overheard between my wife and her mother. My wife was on the pc cam with her mom on Yahoo messenger, and he mom was telling her to "do whatever you can stay in America, there is no future for you here in Moldova." The roommate told me that she couldnt believe what she heard. She then told me that she was sorry for wait my wife had done, and that there was "nothing I could have done". She said it wasnt me, and that no matter what I did, my wife was gonna leave me at some point anyway. I was hurt, but glad to know some truth after hearing so many lies. The roommate then also told me that nobody in the house really liked my wife that summer because she was so arrogant and distant, and would always stay in here bedroom alone and away from the other housemates. They all thought she was weird, and she was also accused of stealing by one or two of the roommates.

It was rough for me, losing her and the marriage. It was very rough. She is still here, living a few towns over I think. I have tried to remain positive, even when people insist she used me. The most horrible thing of all is never knowing. My wife refused to provide me or my mom with any answers as to why she did what she did, and if the marriage was actually genuine and bonafide. So not knowing the truth is painfully hard, and it is all so confusing. But there is nothing I can do now, except try my best to move on.

WOW, interesting story, I feel bad for you.

Divorce is a disease in the U.S.. And everywhere else too!

I can certainly appreciate this topic because there are many curiosities involved in being interested in dating women from other countries. I can also appreciate the topic because I am divorced. I would have never given up on my marriage, but the fact is my ex wife checked out of our marriage months before she ever filed for divorce. I was still the idiot who couldn't accept the fact that it was over, and so I kept trying even after it was crystal clear she had moved on. I was in agony, and she didn't care... AT ALL!

My point is this: Divorce is possible regardless of the efforts you put forth, and whatever the national origin of your spouse. A marriage takes two people. When one is done, there is NOTHING the other can do to fix it on his or her own. Americans in general seem to have a greater sense of entitlement and a higher tendency to "take things for granted": thus, all of the so-called "little things" seem to matter less. It seems to me that many of the ladies on here are seeking a higher sense of security and opportunity as well as a spouse and a way of life that is more conducive of happiness than what seems to be readily available in the countries of their origin. The guys on here are looking for a beautiful lady without the attitude we have often seen in American women. Let's not forget however that regardless of nationality, every person has their own unique personality that stands the chance "clashing". There are beautiful wonderful American woman just as I am sure there are horrible women elsewhere. Not all women are alike, and neither are men of ANY national origin. Suffice it to say there are bad apples in every bunch... and really good ones too! I am here because of the "romantic" appeal and the adventurous nature of the story that could be my life. It's exciting!

That being said; I am somewhat up to date in world history, political climates, economic climates, and so forth. It seems that even during economic troubles in the U.S. there is more opportunity and a chance at a so-called "better life" here. Why wouldn't someone want that? If they could achieve it all while hopefully falling in love and starting a dream in a place that has seemingly more opportunity, what is so wrong with that? Some of my ancestors came to the U.S. over 150 years ago. They have come from the Ukraine, Scotland, Ireland... They came here for opportunities they didn't have where they were at or because some injustice drove them away. Is it a sense of hope, curiosity, or restlessness that causes people to desire something other than what they have? These things cause people to search for love across an ocean (or on a website that connects them)! Some people start searching for these things outside of their marriage (shame on them). Would you rather lose someone who is wrong for you, and have another chance: or would you rather look back on a sad life at what "might" have been?

The fact is that there are some unique differences that have attracted all of the women and men that are here to come to this site... and to each other! Let's not forget how similar we all are, and let this topic be proof of the truth: American, European, Russian, Ukrainian... None of us are immune to making bad choices or mistakes. None of us are immune to divorce regardless of the circumstances we shall marry under. I am glad we all live in countries that allow divorce: in other words allow the quest for happiness to start over again!

The ONLY thing we can do is NOT be careless with our hearts or love. Don't make the mistakes you made before. Don't settle for less than happiness, and never give up! NO NOT believe that divorce has anything to do with nationality! It has to do with the individuals who got married in the first place. These words should be pretty universal: selfishness, laziness, carelessness. Those are the causes for divorce... NOT NATIONALITY!

If you're looking to be "not divorced" you are looking for the wrong thing! Look for marriage and happiness. Look for caring, concern, selflessness, sacrifice, compromise. I think that's what you're looking for or you wouldn't be here. If you're bitter or divorced, just remember this: it IS YOUR FAULT TOO! Even if you did everything else right, you picked your spouse or girlfriend poorly, or you would still be with them. Make better choices, and don't stop looking just because you have found someone. Keep looking until you have found the right one!

Please... Please... Please... Let's quit blaming "culture". Let's quit giving "culture" the credit too! People are people no matter where they are from. I have met incredible people from all over the world! I have chatted with some of them here! I believe that people can be great or terrible regardless of where or how they grew up. Let's blame individuals for their mistakes, and not a society or a culture for the flaws of a few people.

Divorce is bad no matter where or why it happens. It means someone made a mistake. There is only one thing to do. Don't make that mistake again. Don't let the mistakes of others prevent you from trying to find the happiness that you're looking for. Instead, think of all the happy people here that are still married and always will be!

Good luck

Thank you amazinjason for your words - as for me I am agree with every word what you wrote...I was not sure - is it a character of this man or mentality of most of the american men.

Before I write it was interesting for me what will jscottv fredabishop rogerm222 chilltown solarb (what a pity I don't see smurf89 mikeucovich and t3st3r6uy any more here) tell about the situation "accept the fact that it was over, and it is crystal clear she had moved on"

[quote]"I kicked the door down and found my wife standing in the room"[quote] .... boys interesting to hear - is this situation normal for your mind??? Boys, Do you all act the same way??? I think impossible by forth to change anything...even if he return her back what would be the life???
You see I think lonelyinNH is very passionate man with very great sense of adventure. Can you imagin in your life: Blood knifes police court....as for me I can't. You see I think he wanted just such girl...with the same passionate and adventure character as he has...and he could fall in love only with such bright girl (who can give him the risk of life) and no matter what nationality she was ...he wanted such bright girl and he found her. Maybe some later when he is adult he will look for an other type of girls - more quiet...but when he is 30 he wants this one - so he has got an interesting experience...such hotties are interesting but a little bit dangerous.
I am not a psychoanalyst so I don't know how to find the way from such situation ...but to "kicked the door down" is not the best way - the best I think to go in for boxing and bit the punching bag till you feel that your fury went at all...or other good way - to find one more job or two...become very rich and successful - show her what a fine guy she has lost!!!...the crowds of girls will pray you to marry them. By the way while you whould be so busy with 2-3 jobs you will have no time to think much about "I am so unhappy, it was rough for me, losing her"

Lots of crazy and beautiful stories and thoughts... See you all in a few weeks! I am working 15 days. I leave in the morning

I wish you all well until my return!

Olga, you may be correct in the assertion that my response was not "correct". However, you must see and recognize both sides of the story, and the circumstances and events which lead up to such reactions. If you are unable to see nature's BALANCE, then you will never truly understand man and his psyche.

I was subjected to SEVERE emotional and mental abuse. The lies my supposed "wife" was telling me were not only disrespectful and hurtful, but also morally corrupt and objectionable, especially for a girl who claimed to be "Orthodox Christian". I was quick to learn, through experiences with my "wife", that most religious folks are only "religious" when it is convenient for them. You see, my wife wasn't really Orthodox Christian, because she didn't properly follow the "rules". She was just a user of the religion, and falsely claimed it to appear genuine. I guess you could refer this as "Fairweather Religion".

My wife had lied numerous times, too many to count, about where she was staying. She put not only me but also my brother-in-law at risk with U.S. immigration service because we were her sponsors, but she did not care. She did what she wanted, and broke several federal immigration laws in the process.

Kicking down the door was merely a REACTION to her action against me. What did she expect to come of her tremendous amount of lies and deception? She was (supposedly) a MARRIED WOMAN. However, her very own actions help to prove her coercion and cunning deception. After almost 30 days of exteme mental and emotional abuse, did I REACT. You see, I am the reaction to a negative action, and as long as I am the REACTION, I am content. I was never the ACTION against my wife, I never did anything negative to her to deserve what happened to me. The consensus is the same all around, the person I married is a cold and calculating eastern European who would stop at NOTHING to attain her original, number 1 goal....A GREEN CARD and LAWFUL PERMANENT RESIDENCY IN THE UNITED STATES.

You must understand nature. Without love, there is no hate and vice-versa. It's natures balance, and it's up to us to find and attain a balance in our lives. Without one, there is no other. The two are INTERTWINED. And unfortunately for me, my "wife" caused me severe IMBALANCE because of her negative and awful lies and actions against me. A momentary imbalance, a REACTION to an ACTION caused me to kick a door down. In the end, it only proved my intuition right, because when my wife lied and told me she didnt live with those guys, I caught her. And then after that she changed her story and told me she did live there, but that she had HER OWN ROOM and DID NOT share a bed with anyone. I caught her again. My wife should not be mad at me for catching her, she should be mad at herself for getting CAUGHT.

Lastly, I firmly believe that wife became extremely frustrated because she couldnt lie to me effectively. She kept getting caught, and it drove her CRAZY. You must understand a bit about the girl that I married....she is very PROUD. She often told me "all I have is my pride". But for someone who claimed to be Orthodox Christian, she should have realized that pride is not only the #1 deadly sin, but it's also a CRUTCH. Pride is a CRUTCH, and society is CRIPPLED. I often told her, "lost the pride, honey, it will only bring you pain and loss." But she didn't listen, she was too proud. I am the opposite, I shun pride. But in the end, the proud person got caught and exposed.

I strive to make sure I am always the reaction in a bad situation.....

LonelyinNH and Olga...

One point I am not clear about is the child... was it the child of the lady he married that was in the room?...

But I will give you my perspective for what it is worth... I do not want to sound negative or evil... but I will give a true and frank response.

My opinion of what happened to "Lonely" is that he:

1. Was in disbelief of the reality
2. Did not understand the situation fully, meaning he didn't understand the game.
3. Was REACTING from emotion which is normal for a younger man.
4. Had no experience with the depth of this "ladies" deceit

He had become his own worse enemy in this situation... and was blindly falling into every trap set for him.

It is well known that many European women, when they are ready for divorce will do their best to create situations for the husband to react badly.. and hopefully even hit them so they can file a police complaint of abuse and blame the broken marriage on the husband winning everything.

Even my former Swiss wife tried this on me... after 15 YEARS MARRIAGE AND TWO CHILDREN!! and I was told later by a friend that she was advised to do this by her mother!.. But, being older and more experienced... I did not fall into the trap.

MEN.. let her go !!!!... the minute she leaves the house:

1. Change the locks on your house door and also your car door
2. file for abandonment
3. withdraw your support for a VISA (without delay!)
4. Hire a private detective to watch her
5. DO NOT CONTACT HER IN ANY WAY!!

Yes, the detective is expensive, but in the end.. it is cheaper than a ravaged life.

It should also be obvious, that you give the marriage time to "settle in" and that you are comfortable that all is well and everyone is happy BEFORE you add your newly married wife to important legal documents (such as your house) OR YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

I know Olga... to your mind this may sound evil and untrusting, but this story.. although extreme.. is not unusual. This is a terrible fact, but it is true... Not only from eastern women, but European women in general and perhaps even American women.

People have lost their sense of "honor and civility"... this is sad. You MUST enter a marriage like this with both eyes open. This is because you do not get the time to learn each other, their attitudes, their habits, the morals.. etc. properly. You Don't have the opportunity to watch her and her family face adversity.. you don't have the opportunity to judge their opinions about what is correct and moral behavior.

AND Ladies.. this is for you too!!.. DO NOT marry the man until you come to his home FIRST and see his life, his habits and how he lives. I promise you.. there are many good men who want to be with you!!! DO NOT settle for someone you do not really like because you believe it is your only opportunity. It is far better to "say no" and return home and try again, than to find yourself in a situation where you would "DO ANYTHING" to get away.

I mean you no offense "Lonely", but if your wife was happy, she would not be looking outside the relationship!

I really think that this is a very sad and emotional story. But the marriage was built on "infatuation and need"... this is always a very bad combination for the long term.

AND.. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jealousy does NOT build a strong marriage!! be respectful of each other, be sincere with each other, care for each other.... life is far too short to be lived in lies and deceit. Particularly when their are children involved, they will learn from what you do, how you behave... be a good example for them so they will grow to be strong and balanced adults. I hope Lonely's story is a good lesson for everyone.. especially for Lonely!
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So Olga... this is my advice and experience... does this make me bad and evil because I am so practical and simple with my opinion? Perhaps... but I had rather face life looking ahead and being prepared for all foreseeable possibilities.

I always hope for the best... and am always prepared for the worst. My personal philosophy is that when given the opportunity to make a good and correct choice, most people will, but trap them in a corner with no escape.. and they will bite you like a rabid dog.

So I always want a person to have the opportunity to behave correctly and never wish to trap anyone! But, you never can discount a persons desire to create havoc for themselves or their family!!

dear jscottv I don't think ".... this make you bad and evil because You are so practical and simple with your opinion" I think we all do steps according our past experience...the more bad experience the more suspicious we are...
I see I am very naive
so it seems as if my sad story is not so sad as I was used to think an excellent discovery!!!
Thank you...but really so bad you had to get your "experience".

There was no child involved, we do not have kids. Thank god. The person in the room with my wife was one of the 4 illegal aliens. After I confronted him and admitted to "just sharing a bed" with my wife. My wife STILL denied sharing a bed with anyone there even though he had just admitted it to me, AND I had just CAUGHT her in the room! She was in such denial that it was mind-boggling. Even when she was caught red-handed, she still denied her hurtful actions against me.

She is a cold, calculating, cunning, deceptive monster. And for all her cunning deception and coercion she has been rewarded with lawful permanent residency. She is still here, and refuses to go home to Moldova. She got what she wanted.

The funniest thing about this......she continually denies the facts...that someone DID overhear her talking to her mother, and her mother telling her "do whatever you can to stay in the U.S., you have no future here in Moldova." LMFAO! There is a witness to these facts. And my ex-wife still claims that the "marriage was real" and says things like "you know I loved you, Jon." So it's funny, because ummmmmm......if the marriage was real and you stayed in America FOR ME, then why are you still here if things WITH ME didn't work out?

Oh that's right, because a green card was ALWAYS the number 1 goal, not a lifetime with ME.

jscottv... You are a man of wisdom and divine simple truths.

lonelyinNH... Your story is grand and very unfortunate. I pour my heart out to you! Move forward and don't allow your past to be baggage; instead let it be tools that help you build a better future!

Olga, your thoughts and contributions to these forums are pure gold!

Building our futures should be our goal! Not avoiding our pasts

Hello men and everybody that read this topic.
I agree with amazinjason: our past should not be baggage for us. It's our life and we have not only good sides but sometimes and bad experiences but if we will think and remember only about it we will afraid to have new relationship and we never will be happy. So let past life be in the past and go on for future. I had bad experiences but I don't want that they prevent me to make my life happy with right man so I wish everybody only good!!!
There is one person for everybody - you just need to see it! Look more attentively and you will found her or him.

<seems her spending habits would be obvious from the start. just my opinion......
Chill,
There are several phases to go thru:
a) She comes to your country on the K-1. You have up to 3 months to decide if you want
to get married. Believe me, there won't be many arguments from her if she decides she
doesn't want to go back. Her behavior will be in top form for this period.
b) after the marriage, there may be some time before she gets her work permit, and around
a couple of years before she gets her green card. There may be some day to day arguments
and petty fights, but if she wants to stay they won't be major.
c) after the green card is when the problems are more likely to flare up.

It is my opinion that there are very few true scammers. Even the mafia type are looking for
love and marriage. Plan A is love and marriage. When Plan A begins to fade and the love option
just isn't happening, that is when Plan B starts to kick in. Plan B for a married lady might be to
spend as much of your money as she can. American women do the same. Plan B for some single
ladies might be to get all the free dinners ,entertainment, and gifts they can.

But men are not necessarily any better. How many men do you know who meet the lady, hope for love.
It doesn't turn out that way, but she is desirable, he thinks maybe he'll have sex with her for a few days,
then go back home and have no plans to see her again. Is he a scammer also? Is he any better than
the lady looking to sucker him for gifts? Many of the ladies on the scammer list are probably decent ladies
who got burned, then tried to get even instead of getting mad and just walking away.

Maybe less material objects and more of an interpersonal relationship....
Respect..Including her in all major decisions and not playing dictator with a woman you want as your wife...Compliments..little things.."Your hair looks great" "That outfit looks great on you dear.." More signs of affection...hand holding, hugs, a little gift that does not need to be expensive, It shows her you are thinking of her..Lets say she likes little dogs or cats..buy a little ceramic dog or cat...As far as the man being the worker and some of these replies saying the wife reads, or watches TV..please!!....She is washing the pee stains out of the mans underwear, toilet cleaning, cook, lover, nurse, psychologist, referee..How much do these things cost? Equality..that is a good basis..and the ability to listen and be patient...or at least try...I have lived alone for 3 years since my wife died. I do the "mans" work, and the "womans" work. Both jobs are hard...You boys that believe your wife wants to be oppressed are wrong.