My thoughts and concerns

It seems there is a great concern with scams and those who perpetrate these scams. There is no fool proof way of knowing if you are marked as a victim until they either strike or you have met and solidified your relationship. I have read on the women’s side they for the most part think men worry about scams too much as it does not really happen. While some of the men overly worry about being scammed.

For the ladies I’m sorry to say scammers do exist and they do exist on every site to include this one. Some of the gentlemen have posted their stories and concerns within this forum. I personally have seen several profiles that raise concerns such as two different profiles from different areas in Russian every thing is different age ECT. But they have the same exact photos. Are these twins who got their photos mixed up or something else?

For the men, one of the trends the ladies complain about is men who just disappear after letters, those who wish to engage in sex chats or those who are only here for entertainment. Since I do not engage in these activities and have no conversations with any of the men on this site. I do not know how common this is? I will say that I believe many of the men seek exactly what they claim a relationship that will conclude in marriage.

So concerns are on both sides and neither side should disregard these concerns, just understand we live in a world that everyone does not play fair in.

Yes, the sex talk thread got pretty amusing after a while.

But there is an underlying fear of being ripped off in the name of romance, because you have to take a certain amount of risk when your potential partner is thousands of miles away and you don't share a common language. It really makes one think.

I totally agree there is a finical risk as well as the risk of rejection . I have said this before that the risk finically is greater the further away from Europe you live for those who live in the Western United States, Central America or Australia and not to forget Western Canada. Just the cost of a flight is hard on some not to mention the time away from work. I believe many of the ladies think or perhaps they hope all the men have an abundance of cash and time. I’m sure that’s true with some men but not all in fact I would say the majority although comfortable they are not rich. So to pay out thousands of dollars for a short trip to meet someone that they are not sure of is a risk so of course the men are cautious. So communication is an absolute must. As for the sex talk I have nothing on that subject I just find it kind of funny.

Most of the ladies probably do not realize that it is impossible to search online for them without someone trying to scam us. Some of us more than once (myself for instance). This has made us very wary and alert. We are like deer in an open field. The "LEAST" sign that something is amiss and we are gone. In my ideas, that could be why some men speak for a few weeks then disappear.

It may NOT mean that the girl was a scammer, she could be a wonderful person... but it DOES mean she may have inadvertently fallen into a pattern of contact that many scammers have used on us in the past. This is not nice for the sincere ladies who are looking for a husband, yet it IS something they must learn to live with and avoid if they want to be successful.

Here is a list of things that could happen that would make me drop you:

1. Long breaks in contact: Disappear for a week, then show back up, only to disappear for another week, with out speaking to me about your leaving or without a good explanation. Why will I drop you? For me, this means you are meeting men when they arrive in town for a week. If this happens more than once. I will identify you a a "serial dater" looking for a good time and I am not interested.

2. Ask for money: why? this one is obvious

3. Constantly complain about your life: I will think you are looking for sympathy. (and money) read number 2 again.

4. Refuse to send multiple photos and photos of family, refuse to have video conference. Ladies! YOU MUST PURCHASE A VIDEO CAMERA!! If I can not sit and speak with you one on one LIVE.. I won't waste my time.

5. Speak about receiving a "tourist visa".. if you have read the threads you know why, but the logic is this. If you are interested in me you will come on a fiance' Visa, The fiance Visa will give you 90 days here with me. If you are not willing to marry me in 90 days, then you must return home. I will NEVER send you the money required for a "Tourist Visa". Why would I send you money and take the risk, when you can arrive, walk off the plane and never even meet me... AND DO NOT be so dumb that you think you can convince your boy friend, to come to the mens site and try to convince us to do this!!! If he wants you here, he should sponsor you, if he wants you to have gifts, he can buy them for you. If I come, I will have gifts, If I am convinced about you and interested, I may send flowers or a small item. But I will NEVER mail a diamond to a lady I have never met, so she can sell it when she receives it. Seriously, we are not THAT naive.

6. Mix up your story, Yes, My memory is more than 5 minutes long. If the name of you child changes, your family info changes, your work changes, if I notice that your personal story is vague.. well, you get the idea..

7. Refuse to allow me to visit you in your hometown: If you are serious and sincere, you should welcome the offer. No stories about the "poor" country girl who does not know anything, and needing money to travel. You are smart enough to find me and convince me to come, then you are smart enough to find a way to meet me. I WILL reimburse you the cost when I arrive. But if it is seriously impossible for you to travel, I may want to meet you in your home city. If I offer to come to your city and you are afraid someone would see you, then for me... you are not sincere about our meeting.

So these are a few things to avoid if you want success. Be available, be consistent and be patient with your man, IF HE IS SERIOUS, he will find you and come to you. How long will it take, I don't know.. we are all different. But if you push us or rush us to do anything... we probably won't.