My thoughts and concerns

It seems there is a great concern with scams and those who perpetrate these scams. There is no fool proof way of knowing if you are marked as a victim until they either strike or you have met and solidified your relationship. I have read on the women’s side they for the most part think men worry about scams too much as it does not really happen. While some of the men overly worry about being scammed.

For the ladies I’m sorry to say scammers do exist and they do exist on every site to include this one. Some of the gentlemen have posted their stories and concerns within this forum. I personally have seen several profiles that raise concerns such as two different profiles from different areas in Russian every thing is different age ECT. But they have the same exact photos. Are these twins who got their photos mixed up or something else?

For the men, one of the trends the ladies complain about is men who just disappear after letters, those who wish to engage in sex chats or those who are only here for entertainment. Since I do not engage in these activities and have no conversations with any of the men on this site. I do not know how common this is? I will say that I believe many of the men seek exactly what they claim a relationship that will conclude in marriage.

So concerns are on both sides and neither side should disregard these concerns, just understand we live in a world that everyone does not play fair in.

Yes, the sex talk thread got pretty amusing after a while.

But there is an underlying fear of being ripped off in the name of romance, because you have to take a certain amount of risk when your potential partner is thousands of miles away and you don't share a common language. It really makes one think.

I totally agree there is a finical risk as well as the risk of rejection . I have said this before that the risk finically is greater the further away from Europe you live for those who live in the Western United States, Central America or Australia and not to forget Western Canada. Just the cost of a flight is hard on some not to mention the time away from work. I believe many of the ladies think or perhaps they hope all the men have an abundance of cash and time. I’m sure that’s true with some men but not all in fact I would say the majority although comfortable they are not rich. So to pay out thousands of dollars for a short trip to meet someone that they are not sure of is a risk so of course the men are cautious. So communication is an absolute must. As for the sex talk I have nothing on that subject I just find it kind of funny.

Most of the ladies probably do not realize that it is impossible to search online for them without someone trying to scam us. Some of us more than once (myself for instance). This has made us very wary and alert. We are like deer in an open field. The "LEAST" sign that something is amiss and we are gone. In my ideas, that could be why some men speak for a few weeks then disappear.

It may NOT mean that the girl was a scammer, she could be a wonderful person... but it DOES mean she may have inadvertently fallen into a pattern of contact that many scammers have used on us in the past. This is not nice for the sincere ladies who are looking for a husband, yet it IS something they must learn to live with and avoid if they want to be successful.

Here is a list of things that could happen that would make me drop you:

1. Long breaks in contact: Disappear for a week, then show back up, only to disappear for another week, with out speaking to me about your leaving or without a good explanation. Why will I drop you? For me, this means you are meeting men when they arrive in town for a week. If this happens more than once. I will identify you a a "serial dater" looking for a good time and I am not interested.

2. Ask for money: why? this one is obvious

3. Constantly complain about your life: I will think you are looking for sympathy. (and money) read number 2 again.

4. Refuse to send multiple photos and photos of family, refuse to have video conference. Ladies! YOU MUST PURCHASE A VIDEO CAMERA!! If I can not sit and speak with you one on one LIVE.. I won't waste my time.

5. Speak about receiving a "tourist visa".. if you have read the threads you know why, but the logic is this. If you are interested in me you will come on a fiance' Visa, The fiance Visa will give you 90 days here with me. If you are not willing to marry me in 90 days, then you must return home. I will NEVER send you the money required for a "Tourist Visa". Why would I send you money and take the risk, when you can arrive, walk off the plane and never even meet me... AND DO NOT be so dumb that you think you can convince your boy friend, to come to the mens site and try to convince us to do this!!! If he wants you here, he should sponsor you, if he wants you to have gifts, he can buy them for you. If I come, I will have gifts, If I am convinced about you and interested, I may send flowers or a small item. But I will NEVER mail a diamond to a lady I have never met, so she can sell it when she receives it. Seriously, we are not THAT naive.

6. Mix up your story, Yes, My memory is more than 5 minutes long. If the name of you child changes, your family info changes, your work changes, if I notice that your personal story is vague.. well, you get the idea..

7. Refuse to allow me to visit you in your hometown: If you are serious and sincere, you should welcome the offer. No stories about the "poor" country girl who does not know anything, and needing money to travel. You are smart enough to find me and convince me to come, then you are smart enough to find a way to meet me. I WILL reimburse you the cost when I arrive. But if it is seriously impossible for you to travel, I may want to meet you in your home city. If I offer to come to your city and you are afraid someone would see you, then for me... you are not sincere about our meeting.

So these are a few things to avoid if you want success. Be available, be consistent and be patient with your man, IF HE IS SERIOUS, he will find you and come to you. How long will it take, I don't know.. we are all different. But if you push us or rush us to do anything... we probably won't.

jscottv, i have to say that ur right on the money. i would add to your list, but i don't want to give any scammers a guide book.

I cannot emphasize the importance of using skype.If a lady will not use this, then drop her immediately.
Scammers hate skype and a genuine lady would talk to you straight away without any excuses!!

2 jscottv.
I would not agree on this statement about fiancee visas. If you never met each other this will be hard to obtain such visa, as when applying for it a woman (as well as a man) must present evidence that proves your meeting and intentions, such as joint photos, air tickets, tel.calls to each other, mail correspondence etc. If you cannot prove this, a woman will not get fiancee visa at 99,9%. Even if she is so lucky and gets such type of visa, she is not obliged to marry a foreigner of course. But, if your relations failed and she comes back to Russia, she may start relations with other man from USA again. Even they meet in her territory and present all evidences of serious intentions, she'll most probably be refused in getting second fiancee visa. This means she runs a risk too.
You can make invitation for her so that she makes guest visa, but this is also extremally problematically. Be aware getting American visa is much more difficult for Ruassian (and CIS) citizens than getting Russian visa for Americans, so you're welcome!
P.S. Applying fiancee visa for some EU countries (and Australia if I'm not mistaken) requires to pass exam for country language knowledge and may take 3 or even more months. So, this procedure is not so easy.

As to other statements - in many cases they are true to fact.

Visa depends on country. For instance, I am Chilean, and visa is not a problem.
My woman just broke with me, 3 weeks ago. She was so happy when she was here, but..the ex-husband would not allow her daughter to go abroad.

Men, be careful of women with child!!!! Maybe they can't take child out of Russia!!

Reading threads like this one made me much more nervous about scams than was necessary on this site when I joined over a year ago. Perhaps I was merely lucky, but I never encountered any woman on this site that even remotely resembled a scammer. Certainly one should take care of oneself, but don't do the ladies you meet here an injustice with a preconceived notion that this place is crawling with scammers - it is not. At the risk of sounding like a shill (which I am not), I never have been a part of a site that features so many high quality and genuine ladies. A tip of my hat to ALL the fine ladies here.

That all depends on the child's age.
If they're almost 16yrs old, then it's usually not an issue.
But, I agree, that is one thing that's out of both of your hands.

No need to stamp the women with children. I don't say here about myself - my daughter is registered to my name, and I can take her anywhere, both abroad and even to Red Planet . Many women have the same situation.
I also know ladies who have children and married foreigners, they were in love with each other and could solve such kind of matter. Most of women with a child are really good mothers and hostesses, that is very important for men I think.
You might know majority of men here on the site are on the wrong side of forty and women who is more than 30 are normally have children. Are you such naive to think 18-20-25 y.o. girls really want to have husbands at 40-50-60 y.o.?
I'm not going to teach you how to live...Anyhow I think you should first look for Your Woman, your love, than her status (mother or not mother), if you really search for genuine sincere feelings. Everything depends on specific situation.
P.S. I apologize if offended any woman of any age group. That is my opinion only.
Good luck

I do agree with most of what you peoples said about children. But many CIS women do not have cleared permissions to bring their children out of the countries and that's the real fact, because not many many of them do have their children registered solely in their names. This, I talked from experience. And in many cases the ex-men would never agree to the release of the children, not because of the fact that they do love the children but .........

Another matter. I have 'Met' a NICE girl on the net recently for example, so perfect, right peoples ? But she just wouldn't sacrifice her time for me, always busy with her works, no time to hardly even write, every letter included great apologies for not being able to write more. Do we really want to write to girls to hear apologies ! ! I felt that I were intruding on her time ! ! Do we really want a girl this way loving what she already has at the present ? Her heart is not in you, she wants you only for a bonus to her pleasure, 'Garnishment' if you will ! But her main please is on her present child, and her mother and father, she's all set, but in her mind, she does not realize this, she thought that she were being normal ! ! ! And sure, she was sincere ! I wasted some money communicating and gifts etc. But I had to let go pretty shortly, because a case like this would be a waste of time for me. So from now onward, I choose strictly 'No Kid' girls. Presently, any girl with kid, I do not reply, there were hundred of these letters that I did not open, sending them straight to the garbage-folders ..... a waste of time !

Women are traditionally heavily invested their minds in their kids that they already have, they will give you 95% of themselves to the kids and biological families and 5% of themselves to you ! I had another friend who went to Russian to see his girl, she could only see him for an hour each day after works in the evening, she would have to reach back home, clean the house, enjoy herself with the child, then get ready for the next day's busy workload. And in a ten days' visit, the man spend over four thousands of dollars to see her for a little more than ten hours total ! !

I have already been down through that roads, been there, done that .... for more than ten years ! !

PS : I do also run dating websites myself and write books about dating scams etc.

Love to all,
YoursTenderly.

Well of course they are, and can you blame them? The kids are there and require attention, you are not. I'm certain that you go about your business as well? The ladies have lives and responsibilities, just like the men.



It doesn't sound like your friend planned his trip very well, or perhaps the woman was not so interested in him. You don't mention whether she made any promises about how much time she could (or would) spend with him, or whether he was honest with her about himself (is he older than advertised? Not look like his photos?) Why didn't he plan his trip around her vacation time so she would have more time? Or propose to meet in a neutral country so she would not have the distraction of work and kids? As a man with kids of my own (thankfully grown now) it seems to me that issues like this would be an obvious consideration. And before I spent 4k on a trip to meet anyone, I would be very certain that the person I am to meet is prepared for my arrival in every way.