Tips for new guys - Preparing, Searching, and Finding

I have found a lady here and I wanted to condense what has worked for me and others on specific topics into one thread. Most of my comments are from my mistakes. I have lost a couple of good women and I have learned some hard lessons. Some tips come from veterans that come back for the purpose of helping the rest of us. If your objective is to find a good wife, read on.

Can you afford it? Someone here said 10G's. A more realistic number can be found by: Finding out what a round trip plane ticket is, add it to the cost of 10 days in a Moscow hotel plus expenses. 2Gs for an immigration lawyer, how much you will spend in a ring, and 1800 to cover her expenses for the six months it will take her to work through the paperwork and prepare to leave her country. Perhaps 10G's is a good starting number after all, it won't be a great ring. Don't contact anyone until you can afford it. You WILL find the perfect woman on your first day and won't be able to follow through. This will break both your hearts and you will hate yourself for it.

Next:

Think it through before you begin to look.

1) Ask, "What do I NEED?" Spell it out in great detail on paper before you even start to look.

For me: Not too extraverted, not a 'performer' or artist, clever, tall, attractive, and a nurturer. Wanted kids soon, was willing to stay home and raise them. Faithful, careful with money, cares about her appearance.

2) What do I WANT (These I would compromise on these because they are 'Wants' not 'Needs')

Me: Age around 30, not younger than 27 (time for kids but mature). Not thick, not thin, eye color, hair color.

3) Design your tests carefully for anything that is important to you and not obvious. Take some time and ask yourself 'How can I ask a question in a non-leading way?' This is the tricky part. Some of us are better at this than others. Do all of this before you make your first contact. Get help! Ask a veteran or two via the PM button in the forum (UPDATE! You can no longer do this. The question to be answered is, can two men or women set up a private chat on LP and ask questions? LP gets paid, you get help. Win-Win.).

The women read this forum also and it is more discrete to ask privately. They have a forum we can't see, but we don't have anything hidden as far as I know.

Craft a profile. This will be a topic in another thread. Do not enable it. You are the one looking; if you aren't ready to use it you will waste time telling women who aren't your type 'No'. You have to log in to say 'no', so you look like you are shopping. See the trap?

Now search based on needs and wants. Do this search when you are NOT LOGGED IN, write down their ID number. Every profile anyone visits here is passed to them in a list. Don't make her ask the question, "He looked at my profile month ago, why is he contacting me now?" She doesn't need or want to know she wasn't your first contact. The hard reality is you have to prioritize. Make a list of 3-10 women you are interested in and work through the process with them one at a time. It is honorable to concentrate on one at a time, this isn't a bidding war. This is my opinion, some men have told me they can talk to 2-3 at a time. I didn't want to take that route, it didn't feel right.

If you are both serious and you followed the steps above it takes about a week of daily writing to understand 90% of who she is. Answer her questions without shame and with total honesty. FSU women are masters at catching lying men.

Do not bring up sex until you have decided she is the one. She needs to know your expectations but she is not your lover. Be a gentleman, most of these women are well educated and respectable. I have seen some of the letters men write in the women’s forum and they are shameful. Leave that part until you are working on the visa paperwork. What you do in your relationship is up to the two of you.

Be bold and say what you want upfront. Do not couch words, these women believe in traditional male/female gender roles and have never been taught political correctness. They know what they want and what they don't. If you followed the earlier steps you will also. If you know what you want in a woman you will know if she is right in 5-10 carefully crafted long messages.

I would not settle for less than one message a day. If you are serious about finding a spouse, take the hour or two a night and write. Suggest this and get her to agree to it upfront. If you can't write for any reason, send a short message and explain truthfully. This is courtesy! She is waiting for a message! NEVER stand her up; she may drop you for it.

The biggest ‘trap’ here is 'Kid in a candy store' shopping. You will never find someone that way and will hurt a lot of people. When you find a woman who is a 90% match STOP LOOKING! Pull your profile picture and your intro. Tell her. This is a good sign for her. She will follow if she wants you. Work on determining the other 10% if it is important. It is often very hard to stop searching but it is easy to get caught up in a loop of searching for one a little better. They are human; they are all flawed, just in different ways. Don't rob yourself of a good woman because you can't control your mouse finger.

There will be more. If anyone has found a woman and has a story or opinion on the topic state it. I am by no means the only one with insight. I wish this were here when I started looking. The one I chose joined a week before I did the first time. If I had followed this path I could be half way through the K1 by now! Regrets.

You sound like you are a veteran,i noticed you only joined on 5th july?

I am afraid you are wrong,dont be fooled its not just the men who choose the women,they choose the men morelike.
These women are not desperate and do not have to leave their country!

I have been to Ukraine many times and spoken to many women and i would say half of these are on this site for a bit of fun and have absolutely no intention of leaving their country,thats why guys, you may even get messaged by them and when you reply you do not get any more messages,i know this was a former topic on the forum and that is the reason.

Although there are many genuine women on this site ,there are as many who are here for a bit of an ego boost and a bit of fun!!!!!

Been here, cancelled the pay membership some time ago. Didn't post on the forum, because there was little help. I played it safe and kept my mouth shut so I wouldn't get blackballed on the womens forum. Returned to LP under the free account to help the serious. When the K1 is done, I won't be back. I'll spend my time with my new family. Get in and get out. Temptation is a killer.

It isn't hard to believe there are women here with no intention of leaving home, it is also easy to believe there are men preying on the hopes of young girls. What I would like to know is how to spot them. The women are pretty good at this, but we barely help each other.

I had a couple ladies who messaged a few times and moved on. I was hotlisted and then when I replied they didn't respond. I had at least one scammer. She/he contacted me, wrote like she was in love from the first day. I studied her/him for several weeks and lost interest in the case. So I have seen the same things. I started to wonder if all of this was legit and then I began to consider it was something I was doing. I put myself on the other side. I read about 500 posts on the womens forum. I read their profiles, and there are some really good clues to our mistakes buried in them. And what I ultimately decided was it wasn't the women, it was my approach. We think like men, and we are trying to sell to women, you have to approach it as marketing. Talk to their hearts and minds.

I almost always turned down women who made first contact. If she looked at my profile I might contact her, but my personal preference is not to be passive. There is a thread on the women's forum right now on this. A lady accidentally signed up as a man and began to play with the other girls. She described them as locusts. I suspect the worst when women act like men. Desperation or a scammer.

Another tip for the interested:

If you were in a club and you saw someone you were interested in. You approach and she acts uninterested. Would you just give up and walk away? It might be better to give her some time to think about it, perhaps her friends will talk you up. Perhaps she is tired of weak men or she is looking for someone to pursue her. A weak man walks away rejected. A confident man flirts with others, acts as if he doesn't care. And when he comes back the second time and chooses her for his attention, she will often walk away with him feeling like she is the most special woman in the room, if only to him.

So why would you write one short message and give up? Wait two days and write again, change your approach. I had a 100% success rate getting a response using this method. The longer second message explaining why I was interested always got a response. If you want her, chase her. If she has real value to you, you owe it to her. Tell her she is pretty, tell her why you liked her profile, tell her why you want her. Show her you have a sense of humor. I would wager even a woman who was browsing would change her mind if a man came across as very interested. All women want to be won, not selected and bought.

You can see it sometimes in the success stories. I have read "I/We knew in 24 hours". One guy mentioned 10 messages in one day. This is a great filter for the woman looking for an ego boost, if they were not serious would they write 10 messages in one day? Playing for entertainment with a message every three days or once a week is easy. You can talk to six or seven at a time. One or more message a day is dedication. This is why I say settle for no less than one a day, write no less than one a day.

I have seen both types, the motivated and the passive. The motivated ones find men more quickly so don't forget the passive girls. I am a strong male type so the softer ones clash less with my personality. I could not respect a woman who was a pushover but I still need to be the male. Mine is very strong in a womans way. She understands how to approach me with kindness and respect when I am wrong. I smile just thinking about it, we are a good match.

I didn't mean to imply they were all desperate. In fact that is my biggest red flag. A desperate woman will tell you anything she thinks you want to hear. When she is safe and stable she will hurt you because she feels ashamed of her deception. I have been through this with local girls several times, married one. Hard, expensive lesson.

Probably one of the best thing about these women (after a certain age) is their strength. I read something once that really stuck.

"If she can't stand on her own, she won't be there for you to lean on."

We aren't rescuing them, they are rescuing us from the inferior women in our local dating pool. I have nothing but respect and admiration for good women from the FSU. The deserve to be treated as well as a man can manage.

Thank you for these words

"We aren't rescuing them, they are rescuing us from the inferior women in our local dating pool. I have nothing but respect and admiration for good women from the FSU. The deserve to be treated as well as a man can manage."

Absolutely agree. The vast majority of ladies I have had the pleasure of getting to know were of the highest quality. Extremely honest and forthright, educated, clever, sincere, unpretentious, and beautiful. While there are exceptions, on the whole the women in my corner of America just do not compare. Blue ribbon in every way!

I disagree with the woman on here are more honest then american woman lol. The woman I spent 1 year and 3 months building a relationship with, used me to get a visa to the USA and as soon as she got here dumped me. As in she arrived, and I didnt get to see her until 2 months later for about a hour where she broke it off with me. She made up a bullshit story saying she changed her mind and would be leaving after her 90 days. Yup well a update on that situation, she just posted pictures of her living in San Fransisco on her facebook page, a good 6 months after she was supposed to be back in her country. Woman are the same everywhere in the world, there are good ones and bad ones. And as for being able to see it, I never seen it coming, the relations were perfect.

Wow! You really had NO idea? You saw no red flags whatsoever? She must have been a real artist...

I want to add that the men are too the same everywhere in the world, there are good ones and bad ones.
So as a conclusion we can say that people are the same everywhere in the world...but if to search not only near but to take more big area for search there is a greater chance you will find your only, who needs just you.

yes very pleasant to read how good slavic women

No red flags and no clue what so ever, completly blindsided. I have never had trouble finding relations with woman and have had many in my short 30 years. Im not one to easily be fooled or tricked into falling in love, but this one I fell for. So yes she must have been quiet the artist because she fooled me.

And Olga you are right, men and woman are good and bad all over the world. Obviously European woman have an appeal that american woman do not share, because she turned me head over heels. She was the first woman I ever loved, but she will not be the last, Im not giving up on you Euro babes yet

interesting thread i think both men and women who are less than honest should be named and shamed. Trouble is it is so easy to use a diferent name etc for the next time

Great attitude, Svit
I remember your sad story from the first posts when everything was "fine" and you were fascinated. For me 2 red flags (as you call it here) were there.

I wish you good luck you are a nice guy, this is obvious.

I think I remember your story, and you did pull a very bad apple. I read all the stories in the beginning to learn what to avoid. It has been some time since I read it. I remember having the impression she was too young, though there wasn't a big age difference between you. Perhaps she still needed to live her wild years. It depends on the woman but my general rule is no younger than 26 no matter what your age. If you want kids go for early 30's, and if not late 30's or older. I think women change around 30 and become who they will be for the rest of their lives (except during menopause). I watched my ex change from a sweet girl and caring mother into a selfish, self centered, angry woman. After a year of marriage counseling the psychologist told me he couldn't help me, the girl I married was gone. So I gave her a divorce. After 30 a good woman is a man's ultimate joy, a mixture of intense desire, strength, and wisdom. Before this most women are a gamble. I have much more to say on age but I will write it all in one post.

From what I see your story is unusual, the statistics on divorce rates alone tell the tale. For every sad story there are 50 happy ones that go unwritten. It is the nature of life, pain makes you write, happiness makes you forget. My unshakable belief since my first day was that she is here, and I was right. I am sure it is the same for you, but some women are harder to find than others. I have watched men write of their doubt, despair, and troubles, only to return a month later with their "I FOUND HER!" story. You are still here, so telling you to keep trying would be foolish. Perhaps I should just say good luck!

Olga and Tinna,

In a man's mind, this is logic! No need to be spoken. We come here, it is difficult to find you. It is difficult to win you, it is difficult to meet you. Why would we do all of this if you were not better wives and mothers?

You have reminded me of what I should already know. A woman needs to hear what a man feels he does not have to say.

Thank you ladies.

Agree with cranberrytea - it is nice to read the ladies posts here, I have spent much time reading the womens forums as well - too bad the men cannot comment there! I have wanted to on several topics.