Tips for new guys - Preparing, Searching, and Finding

For those who have quiestions "why doesn't want my girl reply for my post cards" I want to show you the typical post-mailbox's at provincial ukraine towns (I think at russian towns too).
The situation may be a little bit better in Kiev.

Hello everybody!
Need your advices. What are your opinions - is this man rather serious or what is it???? What is the best to answer?


The letter from a girl
Hello xxxxxxxxx
I live at a small 2-room flat with my son.
Don't think it would be clever to invite you here.
Certainly hotel is the best choose for you. We have 2 not bad hotels at the town or may be we can meet in Kyiv. In Kyiv you will stay at hotel I shall visit my brother.

For the first visit in order to see each other face to face and to understand what will be our next steps romantic places are more good. I am sure my flat can't be such romantic place.

Is this a problem for you?

His reply

Hi xxxxxxxxx,
yes it is a problem, imagine that I will go to Brussels, I'll leave the car at the parking lot, I will fly to Kiev, I'll take a hotel, and you'll have a drink, or spend a post lunch with me, and after I do what? I return to France? Do all this to spend an afternoon with a drink, I do not want to, if I ask you to make is to spend time with you, to spend several days in both live and really see if we take pleasure, if we have feelings, if we love to prepare dishes for two, so we often go for a walk, I want to spend as much time with that which may be can become my wife. But one afternoon I'm not interested, I think you understand me. I do not know if we like because we're going to see an afternoon or two in the afternoon.
I think, no offense, it will be difficult for you to meet someone if you do not want to come, or he must find a person in Ukraine.
I will not deceive me, I really want a true and beautiful strong relationship for life.
I'm sorry to talk like that, but I'm really decided to change my life.

Wait your answer
xxxxxx

I can see both sides. They have different expectations for the trip. He wants to spend 'domestic' time together to see if they have chemistry and get along. She wants the romantic first meeting away from her domestic life. I think both are being reasonable.

I think the compromise is:

1) Clarify how long the trip will be. I would think three full days would be a minimum. Could you know someone in less than three days?

2) He should rent a flat in Kiev, they are available on a daily rate for roughly the same cost as a hotel room.

3) She should commit to spending the entire trip with him. If she is not comfortable staying with him the first night then meet him in the morning and cook breakfast together, see the tourist sites together, shop for food and cook the evening meal.

I think this will give them both what they want.

A note to the ladies. In many scam stories the 'Brother' turns out to be the boyfriend. It is perhaps best to mention your brother after you have a relationship.

Wow!!! thank you. Didn't even think it can be a problem to mention brother... but she really has two brothers they live in Kiev.

Sorry may be really needs a small explanation. This letter the girl wrote after his question: "Where shall I live at the hotel or at your house?". As the girl has very small flat (far from a house) and lives not alone so to stay at her "house" is impossible - so she tried to tell this for a man.

I think she is making the proper choice.

If her son is older he may be jealous of the new man. If he is small it is better not to bring strangers into his life until they are a pair, for a child this is difficult.

After returning from my trip I have a new perspective on the process. In order to really know someone you both need to spend time together away from your daily life. It is better to not divide your attention for the first meeting.

She is not being unreasonable.

Gutted really, see the world with tainted glasses, after reading the post from a guy who got his so called soul mate accross and her departing after her first sighting, posting on facebook, made me think again

Does the expediture really meet the merits, we all seek, I seek because of the commonness between my culture and eastern european. Is it really worth it though

Can you evaluate the lies from the real, not really, unless you meet, even if that haqppens, is it real.

I seek a soulmate, not a golddigga