Tips for new guys - Preparing, Searching, and Finding

Reading your question addressed to yourself I have a question addressed to men here - do you (especially American men) understand that some part of FSU women probably have seen quite a lot in their lives ? Probably they have their homes packed with home machines ?

Life in Europe has quite the same level as American. In some countries it is definately more wealthy comparing to the US. For ex., Switzerland, Germany, Austria, some Scandinavian countries. (Europeans complain a lot , but in fact they live very well)

As for Ukranian lady cleaning the floor - why is it degrading and upsetting ? Has he asked her - maybe this is the type of action she needs being in new surrounding ? what if she just likes it ? we are so different ! Again stereotypes...
I do loose a hope to be understood by a man correctly bcs I really enjoy house work and I know why I enjoy it. And it has got nothing to do with someone else, even with a man. I like it totally from egoistic reasons

I have very little experience in what Russian life is like, so when I hear housework described as drudgery I did not understand. A comment was made about washing a mans socks on the womens forum, seemingly as a arduous task. I thought, what is so difficult about dropping them into a machine? In my mind I could not find an answer. So tell me, when a woman speaks of the drudgery of housework, could it perhaps be the difference in social class or circumstance? Is the standard of living in Eastern Russia or Siberia different from the larger towns and cities? Sorry to belabor the point but I am having trouble understanding what is so difficult about keeping a home in the modern age.

On your love of keeping a nice home for pride and ego. This I understand, my sister is this way. It is a trait I admire, and it is not very common here.

I cannot speak for the other man so I will speak for me. When I love a woman I want her to be happy and comfortable. The idea that a woman I loved would spend her days on her knees scrubbing the floor is unacceptable to me. So if this happened to me, and she really did prefer to do it this way, I would ask her to do it while I am away. Personally I would feel I had failed as a man if this were required of my woman. It is difficult to explain, but when I think of this it evokes an image of Cinderella, abused by her sisters forced into manual labor. So perhaps it is a cultural difference.

I had not even considered what you identify as an extreme. I have never seen this, a woman who did nothing else but keep her home and tend to children.. What you describe as the middle is what my culture is the extreme. No woman here dedicates herself entirely to home, there just isn't enough to do. So if she works she does it for pleasure. My mother stayed home with her children in the 1950's and 60's and ran her own business out of the house. So the idea of a woman who did nothing else if foreign to me. Besides, what would you talk about over dinner? "What did you do today dear?" "Well dear, I scrubbed the floor, dusted, changed diapers." "How interesting!".

I would also say finding a job here isn't very difficult at all. I would recommend a woman take a year to master the language and help her child acclimate if she has one, but finding a job where I am is trivial. If a woman is working for pleasure the salary really only needs to cover the additional expenses. I could have a woman a job in a bank in less than a month if her English was good and she could count. This depends greatly on where you settle, but where I am banks can't find people to hire. When the government gives you an unemployment check for more than you can get from work, why work? So they have turned to immigrants from poor uneducated countries. A professional woman from the FSU would be a prize in comparison, even if her English was not good. But in my experience Europe is an entirely different story.

I haven't read Russian ladies forum (just couldn't find discussions which you mean). I have a feeling that "washing socks..." has indirect sense. Saying that they show their attitude to your type of marriage, the one which you would like to have. They have right to consider it this way. There is nothing offensive in washing socks in general but probably the women who were involved in the discussion with Olga have high interest to work. There are many intelligent and professionally successful women in our ladies forum. But at the same time, please, remember the group on the forum is rather small and does not represent all "kinds" of women.

To summarize- I think housework is really not a problem for the women but the life style they associate with it.

It can be also the difference in social class or circumstances. That's why I said - "some part of russian women".
And sure, life style and living standards differ in cities, towns and villages. And they differ from one person to another. To be a girl from Moscow doesn;t mean to be naughty and spoiled by money. Many Moscow people live modest life. So, everything is relative (as Mr.Einstein proved
I have heard some comments on this forum - advice to chose a girl from province instead of from Moscow ... It is funny advice

I have given this advice, but for a different reason than you describe. I believe you should choose a mate that will be happy with your style of living. I would not enjoy city or country life, I prefer the suburban middle. So I assume someone from those cultures either American or Russian would often feel the same. It is not always the case, but it would be a wise topic for early conversation.

This avoidance of women from the larger cities is a clear dynamic among the men on LP. One lady solved the problem in her profile by stating she had just moved to Saint Petersburg for work. It may me advantageous for women to state their preference in their profile, especially if it is a suburban or country life. My impression is there are few men here from the larger cities.

Why is there only talk about girl moving to the u.s., No one is talking about moving from u.s. to her country.

The discussion of whether to choose a city girl or a country girl is silly. When I signed on this site I had no idea where the person I would meet would come from. I met ladies from large, medium, and small cities/villages.

To be honest it hasn't made a bit of difference where the lady was from. I can honestly say that I liked all of them. Each had/has good qualities, and a few maybe not so good. What was most important was how we fit together as people, and the timing in our respective lives. (Don't under estimate the importance of timing!)

In my experience loves finds us when we least expect it, and in unlikely places. I think it is foolhardy to narrow the scope of your search based on where someone lives - you never know what you may have passed up.

Actually, I have considered it. My uncle married a woman he met on the internet, and when he retired, he sold everything and moved to South Africa. Now he lives like a king, and could not be happier. An important note is that she came and lived in the US for 10 years before he retired.

I mentioned the idea to my lady friend and she just laughed. I have a good amount of time (15 years) before I retire. I am self employed, and it would be difficult to start a new business in a country where I do not speak, or read and write the language fluently enough, and have ZERO business connections. It makes more sense for her to come here... she can help me run my business, and her English skills are much better than my Russian.

After retirement who knows? Anything is possible. A million dollars or two would go a long way in Ukraine I think... much further than in America. As it is now, I am worried whether a million dollars will be enough : (

I was wondering about this statement. It seems to me that timing would be less of a factor here, because I assume people are here to find a mate. Could you expand on this? I think I can learn something new from you insight. Thanks!

I haven't got it too but I thought it is bcs of language, I just might not know all meanings of this word

I would like to ask for the same

The concept of 'timing' in this context expresses that both people are 'ready' to be together. Timing would right if the major goals in life are aligned. For example they both are ready for children. Timing would be bad if one or both had a conflicting goal. Since these goals change over time and may align or conflict we describe them in these terms.

Now it is clear. Thank you.

ok, again it would be me who is going to write something not absolutely pleasant for you to hear (my reputation is spoiled fully)

ok, once I needed to remove the accumulator - it was necessary to unscrew a bolt and take away the accumulator from the car - it took me near 30 mins but I still couldn't do anything with this bolt. I was tired as if I had to run 1 km. At last I gave down and asked a man to help me. It took him 30 sec to unscrew a bolt with the same tool and take off the accumulator. You see he was not tired at all. He was fresh as if didn't put any efforts. So may be you only think that it is so easy to do home work? May be what seems for you so easy not really so easy in fact???
To carry 10 kg pail of water from room to room while you are washing the floor doesn't sound very nice after the working day

In June we were showen by TV that one US man killed his mother after she had fused to iron his shirts. She said: "I came after the working day and tired the same as you are and want to have a rest time. You have hands to iron yourself". Can anybody explane me why it was easier for him to kill his mum than to iron shirts himself - this is so easy work almost nothing to do.

Certainly the woman shall keep the house - but only because we don't believe you boys can do this well. But may be you can be grateful and able to appreciate what is doen and can see the efforts which are needed for such work and I hope even to help.

I agree, men are generally not as good at housework. Why? I don't know. This is one of the great mysteries of life. I am a competitive man, and I believed I should be able to clean as well. Without fail my mother and sister would come behind me and finish what I had missed. I admit, it is beyond me. So I dedicated my life to fixing the car and the sink, hang lights and fans, and build flower beds.

I will say again, if both work both should help in the home or hire a housekeeper. On a 10kg pail, he should carry this for you, or at least get you a bucket with wheels.

On the story, I looked it up. He did not kill her, he held her hostage. This man is obviously defective, mentally ill. The lesson, don't marry a man who's mother has to iron his shirts! Now he will go to prison and he will be some other man's woman, so perhaps he will learn how to iron.

It is all balance, give an take. A partnership where each treats the other well. It is a lack of balance that ruins couples. That is why it is so important to be careful in your choice.

Here is the disbalance you were talking about! Here it's the other way around: Russian men still expect a woman to do all the tasks in the home even if she does work.