Ladies' Opinion

Should we get more input from the ladies? You can invite several ladies to participate in this forum. Please review the profiles / ladies forum and propose your nominations. We will then grant forum access for select ladies.

I think if a man has picked a favorite lady he would not like to have her on the forum to attract competition. I don't mind if ladies join the forum of their own accord, but I don't think they should have to earn a nomination from a man. Second point: The language (translation) issue is a problem. Some men read between the lines and understand what a Russian speaker means when she writes in English. It's sometimes impossible to know what was meant, but usually I find it to be an interesting challenge. Other men have trouble with this (men who are corresponding with Russian women have told me this). It can make a woman look controversial or "bad" when, in fact, she has said nothing wrong.

Most of the topics in this forum probably wouldn't benefit from their response. However it would be good to be able to post questions which could "only" be responded to by foreign ladies to solicit their opinion.
a) For example, the never ending debate on the question:
Is it better for a man to go visiit just one lady after a good amount of email and communication? , or
Is it better for a man to schedule meetings with 5 to 10 ladies after a small amount of email and communication?
b) For example, a man might ask if there is an English speaking lady in city xyz who would like a one week job
as his interpreter/guide during his visit to meet other ladies. Or for locating a good apartment to stay in, or a
ride from the airport, or favorite restaurants and night clubs.
I can think of a dozen questions I would like feedback on.

As I have suggested before. I believe that women who read and write English well should be allowed to join first.

RogerM writes (edited): ...it would be good to be able to post questions which could "only" be responded to by foreign ladies to solicit their opinion. (a) For example, the never ending debate on the question: Is it better for a man to go visiit just one lady after a good amount of email and communication? Or, is it better for a man to schedule meetings with 5 to 10 ladies after a small amount of email and communication? (b) For example, a man might ask if there is an English speaking lady in city xyz who would like a one week job as his interpreter/guide during his visit to meet other ladies. Or for locating a good apartment to stay in, or a ride from the airport, or favorite restaurants and night clubs. I can think of a dozen questions I would like feedback on.
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These are good questions. I went on a group trip to Moscow (another company) and also had a girl meet me. As it turned out, no way would she have been happy if I had gone to the mixer and met the other ladies (so I didn't). Even though the expense is great, enough can be learned through correspondence to justify a 1-woman trip. I can't imagine how I would finish a 3-woman trip if I thought the first one was perfect. Or what if she was wonderful but I still wanted to check for one that was more wonderful. These are situations I would not like to put the women through. These girls/women have all their life's hopes on the line. They really don't want to think we men are browsing through a buffet line. I will be interested in reading other points of view. I went on 3 trips (over a 14-year period), met 3 women and married #3.

Solarb: You are to be commended for being willing to make a commitment. Especially in the days when only a few pics and emails were the means of communicating. (Then you meet her and see what she looks like without makeup) However, most posters on these boards are always looking at the issues from the man's angle. Do you think a reasonably popular lady with a fine personality who likes to be active and have a nice time is going to sit at home for weeks or months by herself after meeting an American man for a few days on his first trip? Not knowing if he will ever come back again. I would say maybe one in ten or less would make that commitment. And sure, I would commend those that do. Many might tell you they will and then do the opposite. In my meetings with Ukraine/Russian women, the one thing that disturbed me most was the lack of honesty on their part. It seemed lying was just another "means of negotiating" in those countries where corruption and bribes are standard procedure. I would guess maybe 1/8th of the ladies I met might have a truly honest character. And these were ladies in the 37 to 43 age range, usually with one or two kids, not youngsters. I can't imagine what the 20 year olds were like. Its a gamble any way you play your hand. And yes, you have to be willing to go "all in" when the time is right if you want to come out a winner.

Roger, maybe I'm a better correspondent than other men. I did get scammed once (not by anyone on LoversPlanet) and one other girl (not LP) made a blatant request for money to help her ailing mother, which I did not answer. But with the ones I took seriously, I am convinced that they were honest with me. One was a doctor which a son, living with parents, totally legit but I felt we did not have the right chemistry. One was very young, studying to be a doctor, living with parents. I spent 10 days at their home and read all the other letters men had sent (a drawerful, not a good letter in the batch). The third is my wife. She is out with friends tonight -- almost every Russian in Orlando is at a small bar where a famous Russian singer is performing for $10 a ticket. Along the way, I have corresponded with others. I avoid the party girls (in the US as well as LoversPlanet) so maybe that helps my odds. I also have a bias against big city women. I think they are more likely to fall into the dishonest category. I suppose that's my bias against big city people. The reason I enjoy this site and hang around as a cheerleader is that I believe in my heart that HUNDREDS of these women are solid citizens, hard working, wonderfully honest, and looking for a man to stay with forever. There are other types, but I think good correspondence and some telephone contact can sort the good ones from the chaff.

>solid citizens, hard working, wonderfully honest, looking for a man to stay with forever.
Three out of four isn't bad. You have to be willing to compromise and accept some bad with the good.
> I think good correspondence and some telephone contact can sort the good ones from the chaff.
Maybe today if they speak your language. A webcam session is almost as good as an interview at an
agency was years ago.

I remember shopping for furniture when my Ukrainian wife first got to USA. I'm the kind of guy who has
to go to ten furniture stores before I buy the sofa. It drove her crazy. I'm sure the first salesman was
upset I didn't immediately fall for his sales pitch, and had many good reasons why I should go for his sofa.
And if I came back to the 1st store a week later, the 1st sofa would probably have been bought by some
other guy. My last sofa was an impulse purchase. It just didn't work out. Its sitting in my office room
now. The dogs really like it though.

hmmmmmmmmm very strange comparison with sofa
I know nothing about other women but if you want to know my opinion - read it:
I'd never have meeting with man that will visit not only me. You can use skype, icq, MSN, phone to know each other good and you can see her with or without make up and to know her opinion about many questions. Nobody push you to visit her quickly, you can do it when everything will work between you and her so - if you decide to visit her it means that finally it work and you really want to be with each other and not have only casting.
I do not want to be "next sofa". I deserve to be only woman for my man and I think that every woman think the same.

Solarb, we meet again!

As always, I love your insights. I really like this forum! It offers a lot of food for thought.

I believe that the language barrier and the possibility of losing something in translation is a small problem. I think it adds to the allure and magic that draws people of different nationalities to meet one another. I have heard it said that people won't always remember what you said, but they will almost always remember what you meant. This is a blessing to me because I talk a lot; ergo it's hard to remember all of what I say. I think the substance of this saying applies to the language barrier. While there are some things that are lost in translation, there are some things that are universal and easily picked up on even with limited context and vocabulary.

I recently came across a profile on LP of a beautiful gal whose introduction made me laugh hysterically! The English was poor, but her personality shined through the language barrier like wild fire! Her meanings are clear, and that makes me even more fascinated by her. For her to use such limited English language and vocabulary (relative to my own) and say so much has got to be a revelation of her intelligence and sharp wit!

I'd really like to hear more from ladies' points of view!

I too want to agree with Solarb and others' points of view that a woman's feelings must be seriously compromised when a man goes on a "shopping trip". If a man is going to hopefully meet his true love, then how would it make a man feel to know that he's meeting a woman whose been treated like a "menu item" and rejected by other men on "shopping trips". If there is enough connection to justify a vacation and some courtship, then why would a man need to meet more than one woman? I hope every woman has enough sense to leave a man like that standing at the airport!

I love the idea of this topic. It seems like a good idea to invite some opinions from the ladies! The forum is a good place to allow ideas that might be difficult to discuss in person in a format that is more general than personal.

Great topic!

Hello Jason,
Its good to have a positive attitude like yours. I'm just trying to present the harsh reality also. I remember years ago when I paid $1000 to join a dating agency in Texas. I filled out the profile, they took a video and pictures, and put them on the shelfs with 2000 others. I felt like a piece of meat in the shopping bin at Krogers. I hated it....but I did it because I thought some good might come from it. I think my experience there parallels the experience of many of the women on these dating sites. I think very few of the ladies "like" having to put their profile on these sites in front of the world in these "shopping marts" for dates and potential marriage partners. But they do it with the hope that it might work for them. I thnk we are focusing way to much on "how and why". Most ladies really don't care how or why. They just want to find a nice quality man who's willing to write the checik for a plane ticket, get on the plane, and go to her country. None of them like having to "compete" for the man's time and attention, just like I hated the fact that there were 1999 other men in that dating club. I'm just a decent looking "average Joe", not a James Bond or playboy. I only had one Latvian lady tell me "no, I don't like that way of doing things". 3/4 had an enjoyable time and were interested in meeting me on my next trip. What really matters is the quality of person you are, and the fact that you are there, and all the other guys are still sitting in USA behind their computer screen. And yes, if you wait too long to go on that 2nd trip, she might get another offer as good or better, and she will be gone. Unless the ladies are allowed to post anonymously, I don't think you would get an honest, representative response on the issues.

Alena769 said it very well. She doesn't want to feel like she is being shopped. If you tell your 3 favorites you are coming on a shopping trip, the best one might write you off. That will depend on her level of confidence in finding another man. The odds are tough for these women; so she might put up with your fanciful shopping. Then she might wonder how romantic you got with the others. You could be sowing the seeds of later distrust. This topic is a good one. My advice: Do your shopping by phone, email, skype, etc...and buy an engagement ring when you go to meet the one you have fallen in love with. In your heart of hearts you will be 75% decided or you won't make the trip. Don't take the ring out of your pocket until you get to 95%. It is normal to still be a little scared. My wife and daughter flew to Moscow and got turned down for their exit visa--a hard circumstance to reverse. That's when I made the other 5% decision, and they will never forget the final risk I took for them. More time, more flights, more living expenses, and two attorney bills were required. It is rare for a qualified woman to be turned down. Our problem came from the doctor who did her physical. That doctor told Lyuda I was too old and then tried to enforce her bias against old guys!

Thank you, Solarb, for your understanding.
To Rogerm222: Maybe it was long long time ago when it was impossible to have communicating - there was not messangers but now you can have a good relations by them and only after that to visit right woman. What do you think if woman had meeting with you and in one day with another man and in one day with else one and said you: I just want to know who is better for me, which was your reaction???????I agree that there are women that :" just want to find a nice quality man who's willing to write the checik for a plane ticket, get on the plane, and go to her country", but if you have eyes you will see them inside not only nice outside.
Everybody has what they wants to find - if you are searching nice doll you will have it, but if you are searching woman for life that will be your wife you will have her.
Good luck dear men.

To all the contributors to this conversation...

My heart was torn as I read each of your responses! What beautiful thoughts! What brilliant insights!

WOW!

I would endure any and all suffering if I knew what it would take to be together with my true love! It is not certain what requirements will be an obstacle. That is where the passion and hope of a place such as this comes to life! When the true question is asked, will we all have the same passion and commitment as our friend solarb? I hope we will! There are obvious issues that would do well to be discussed here!!! What if hope, dreams, passion, and persistence aren't enough? What next?

This forum could prove to be the most valuable yet!

Life is beautiful, unpredictable, painful... but all is well when a light rests at the end of a dark tunnel!

The more we know of each other... the better off we are

Boys, I have a joke for you
a frog is siting on a coast of the lake - she is singing a song... the monkey approaches to her and asks: "why do you croak so loudly ? maybe the rain will be soon?". The frog answers: "do not you see??? - I am siting here as "a woman" not as a barometre"

Boys, just want to remind you - the majority of the ladies here - are siting as "women" ...but not as agents for translation or assistants for habitation search
I think that for this purpose there are special companies.
Sorry but it seems as if you want to use the woman with out paying...no garanties the man will give any money for her efforts - good if it whould be any thanks at least.
Boys, my great appologies for so strong words about but we had such sad stories at the forum already.